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There are certain phrases that I believe ought to be banned from the English language. “Touch base” should be one of them, unless, as the title says, you are indeed playing a game in which there are actual bases in which you have to touch them. Let’s put this in picture form:

“Let’s touch base on Monday.” This seems to be a perfectly harmless way to communicate in the corporate world. To the contrary, it should be interpreted as one of the following:

• I have no idea what we’re going to talk about.
• I will figure out what we will talk about 15 minutes before you get into my office.
• I know exactly what I want to talk about, but I don’t want you to know.
• I’m lazy and I’d rather just use this insipid phrase than form a valid statement.
• I don’t really want to even talk to you, but this is a phrase I can use to delay it.
• I literally want to touch your base.

Please, people of the English world, consider using these handy alternatives:

• Let’s talk tomorrow about your design.
• Can we go over the budget later today?
• I don’t have any free time this week, but send me an email Monday morning and check with me again.
• Let’s talk about your raise on Tuesday.

For some reason, other sports phrases mixed with corporate communications don’t bother me. I love baseball and just about any other sports. So I’m all for intelligent usage. “Let’s punt this one over to the other office.” “That deal is a home run.” “We’re in the home stretch.” “Bottom of the ninth here, team, let’s knock it out of the park.” I think these don’t bother me because they make some sort of sense. Or at least they just don’t sound like some pervert who just wants to touch my safe area.

So please, stop it. Stop requesting to touch other people’s bases. And if someone wants to touch yours, politely decline and offer an alternative and valid statement. If we don’t, your boss or colleagues may soon bastardize another sports phrase. “Hit the showers.” “Slide into home.” “Double-fault.” “I’ve got 4th and inches for you.” The possibilities are endless and annoying.

Photo credit: Julie C. Elliott-Abshire via stock.xchang